Am I falling apart or falling into place?

Dear Me,

I’ve often wondered this to myself, over the past 10 years. Whispering it quietly in the back part of my brain. Scribbling it along the corners of my notes and in my journals. The answer is never the same.

The more I learn, the more I live, the more I’m starting to believe both are happening at the same time. And that’s okay. We are always falling apart and we are always falling back into place. Or, perhaps, we are always falling apart and falling into new places.

Perhaps we fall apart and that makes way, makes room for us to fall into new places. The pain, I think, shows us depth we never knew we could fall down into. And yes, we may stay there for a while, but then we rise. We find new highs too. That have been out there waiting patiently for us to finish falling apart, launch ourselves back into the world and discover.

Sometimes, we hit the bottom and take a detour on the way back up only to end up at a new location entirely. This can be beautiful too.

Sometimes, we hit the bottom and realize who or what is most important. What are the people or places or even things that keep us sane in those moments of utter confusion and ‘falling-apart-ness”. After these revelations, hold them tight.

If you’re there (again). Perhaps, on the bathroom floor feeling the cool tile against your skin, asking for a sign or to understand why the f* life is currently unfolding the way it is currently unfolding. Feeling like you’re falling apart — maybe you are. Or maybe you’re falling into place. Or perhaps, both are happening, all at once, always.

< 3 You.